A few words on the most amazing things you’ll never need.

1. If I had a cat (which I wouldn’t. EVER.), this would be her most prized possession. (Yes, the cat I would never own would be a she.)

2. You know those annoying people in every restaurant, grocery store, coffee shop, line-of-any-kind talking on their phones 24/7? That could be you! Except you could be even MORE awesomely obnoxious with this. You’re welcome, everyone.

3. I already have a nice Jewish guy, buuuuuuuut if I didn’t, I would most definitely be picking up one of these.  Just think, month after month, you could be drooling over yet another delicious little Jew bagel. And don’t worry, they’re all “real guys – not models.” Phew!

4. This is actually pure genius.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cursed myself for being too absent-minded to remember which knob I turned after accidentally brushing my teeth with scalding hot water. Need!

5. Standing gnomes are so 2011.

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